My mother died when I was quite young, leaving my father to raise the family. Being busy with his thriving urology practices, Dr. Caldwell left much of this task to various family servants. This seemed to affect all the Caldwell children in some way: I was an extremely uptight and humorless person before I became a drop-out; My brother Tom remained humorless and somewhat mean-spirited throughout his adulthood; and my sister Lila exhibited marked nymphomania.
I was my father's favorite child. An excellent student, I attended Harvard. Then, after a party attended by my roommate Gordon Fog, my girlfriend Heather introduced me to "funny brownies" - containing marijuana - and convinced me to partake . After ingesting these brownies, the transformation within me was virtually instantaneous. My term paper on "Plutarch's Lives" was forgotten—in fact, by my second semester at Harvard, I was writing my term papers in fingerpaint. ("The typewriter seemed so impersonal", I would become part of the counterculture, and was ordained as a minister with the Church of the Peaceful ("investigated and cleared of all charges"). Around this time, I changed his last name to ** Name Removed**, believing it was "Starchild" spelled backwards.
I was thrown out of the Democratic Convention in Chicago for stealing decorations, and attended Woodstock ("500,000 people...lucky for them I went or it would have only been 499,999"). I kept finding God everywhere--he kept ditching me. I also spent a year of my life making a macrame couch, and was once traded from my commune to another commune for two goats and a Donovan album (although which Donovan album was never specified). I once claimed that instead of finding Nirvana or God, from my 1960s experiences, it only left me with recurring flashbacks of the original Mouseketeers (especially Cubby) appearing as visions hatching out of seedpods.
Who am I?